You’re angry…I totally get it
As a fellow parent of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I understand your anger. However, here's what I've learned: While anger is a natural response, it doesn't serve you or your child well. And here's why… […]
You need a safety plan
If you're raising a child with RAD you almost certainly need a safety plan. Our children's dangerous behaviors can include suicidal ideation, self- harming, violent outbursts, serious property damage, and physical aggression towards others (especially siblings). This is shared from a blog post by Renae and Jason who are grappling with […]
You can get PTSD from dealing with a young child?
After my son was placed in a psychiatric residential treatment facility (PRTF) I went to therapy. Something was wrong with me and I needed to fix myself before my son returned home. He was 10 and had been terrorizing our family with his violent and out of control behaviors for several […]
Yoga at school may help your child, but what about mine?
Schools are beginning to incorporate yoga into their curriculum and disciplinary programs – but does that really work for kids with developmental trauma? […]
Why Residential Treatment is good (and not good) for kids with RAD
What's your success been with Residential Treatment Facilities (RTF)? My son, Devon, has been in 2 group homes and 5 psychiatric residential facilities (PRTF). They feel like 'holding tanks' that have actually made him worse. Unfortunately, they've been necessary to keep Devon and my other children safe. Here's a great pro […]
Why I use the word “rage” and not “tantrum” for my child with developmental trauma
What kind of parent calls the police when her kid has a tantrum? Or, even worse, tries to check him into a mental health hospital? Me. Every time the cops arrived or we got to the hospital, my young son Devon transformed into an angel. I’d explain that he’d been throwing […]
Why adoption stories aren’t fairy tales
Adoption finalization is a reason to celebrate. Parents have filled out mountains of paperwork, waited months or years and shed many tears to get to that moment. They wear matching tee-shirts, eat way too much cake and splash photos all over social media. Adoption day is so momentous that it feels […]
When you feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown…
Unless you've lived through a child's relentless screaming, violent outbursts, physical aggression, and extreme manipulation – hour-after-hour, day-after-day – it may be hard to fathom the long term impact on caregivers. But, the truth is, it can feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Does that seem a […]
When they say RAD isn’t a “real” diagnosis…
"Saying RAD is not a 'real' diagnosis is like arguing Bipolar I Disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorder are not 'real' diagnoses." My son was first diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) by a licensed clinician at 11-years-old. He subsequently received this diagnosis from several psychiatrists in mental health treatment facilities and […]
When suicidal ideations may not be serious
I opened the closet door to find my son Devon squatting in the shadowy darkness with a belt looped loosely around his neck. He was 9. Confident that he wasn’t actually trying to hurt himself, and was only trying to get attention, I hid my fear. I knew if I showed […]
When pigs fly: the day my son’s therapist apologized…
Today my son’s therapist apologized to me. (Go ahead, take a moment to pick yourself up off the floor, then keep reading…) If you’re the parent of a child diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) you know just how significant this is. As parents of children with developmental trauma, one of our […]
When Insurers Deny Mental Health Coverage, Families In Crisis Struggle Even More
By Christine Herman When Matthew Timion needed to get his son treatment for mental illness, he did not anticipate it would be so hard to get the insurance company to pay for it. Timion adopted his son out of foster care when he was 3. He says the trauma and neglect […]
When a mom struggles to love her child
Originally published by the Institute for Child Development. Carol was bitter and angry—on edge. Shortly after we met through a mutual friend, she told me about her three adopted sons. She adored her youngest son. The older two were regularly suspended from elementary school, lied incessantly, and threw screaming fits daily. […]
What we might learn from another tragic story of mental health help given too late, too little
Caleb, 11, was thin with blond hair, glasses, and a big smile where crooked teeth jockeyed for space. He and his brother, Elijah, were adopted by Martin and Dena Lishing when Elijah was a toddler and Caleb was a baby. Their young birth mother struggled from addiction. Born a preemie at […]
What to do when CPS comes knocking…
An interview with Diane L. Redleaf, a family defense pioneer Nationally-known leaders have called Diane L. Redleaf the “conscience of the child welfare system,” the driving force behind creating a “better, fairer child welfare system” and “the people’s lawyer.” Diane has played a leading role in hundreds of important cases on behalf […]
What Social Workers Need to Know When Working with Adoptive Families
By brave adoptive parent and advocate Pernell Meier Social workers have been an ever-present part of my family. Over the course of 13 years, we have parented 7 children from foster care, 5 of whom we adopted. In that time, we have had countless social workers in and out of our lives. […]
What it’s like being the sibling of a child with RAD
“It’s like living in a prison. We can’t go anywhere. All doors are locked. Alarms everywhere. We can’t have friends over. Stuff goes missing. We’ve all had black eyes, split lips and bite marks…we’re the ones who suffer.” – Grace, 14, on living with a sibling with reactive attachment disorder. Grace’s […]
What is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?
Kids with RAD have an indefatigable need to control the people and situations around them because they only feel safe when they prove to themselves they are in control. To understand this, we must go back to the underlying causes of the disorder. […]
What is Conduct Disorder?
I stand in the bathroom stall of the courthouse, texting a friend. “I can't do this,” I write and lean my head against the cold partition of the stall. “You've got this,” she replies. “Breathe, Honey.” I hear the restroom door open and a singsong voice I recognize as my daughter, […]
What I Wish People Knew About These Popular Social Media Quotes…
As I like to tell my son, a sneeze is involuntary – stabbing someone with a pencil is not. For families like mine, these popular posts don’t ring true. […]
What happens when your child becomes violent … with you
Under my desk is an antique iron. It has been there since the day my mother hid it from my teenage son. That day, attempts to get him up had repeatedly failed. He was hungry but refused to eat, he became increasingly volatile until eventually he threatened to hurl the iron […]
Video: Early Childhood Trauma – we need treatments now!
Learn more Aging out of RTF and into the real world: A dangerous proposition Raising a child with Developmental Trauma Immigration isn't the only "system" that's harmful to children Why adoption stories aren't fairy tales It takes a village […]
USAToday: Broken Adoptions
For tens of thousands of children in the U.S., their ‘forever family’ doesn’t last long. USA TODAY investigates: Why do adoptions fail? USAToday May 19, 2022 In a first of its kind investigation USAToday investigates how many adoptions are disrupted and why. Usually the focus of these conversations is on lack of […]
Understanding the long-term impact of early childhood trauma
Due to trauma during her early development, the lens Kayla viewed the world through was warped. It made even loving caregivers seem unsafe. Situations and people all appeared unpredictable. Kayla likely had no conscious awareness of this and she certainly could not verbalize it. […]
Trauma and the Incredible Hulk
Effectively parenting children with a history of trauma requires a paradigm shift. This short video by psychologist Jacob Ham is incredibly effective in helping us understand why consequences don't work for kids with reactive attachment disorder and how we can help them deescalate. https://youtu.be/o0FtfB4Co0k […]
Tips to work with your child’s school (includes free teacher handout)
I can't tell you how many days I've navigated through carline with a drink holder full of steaming hot cups of coffee. Every school year I'd learn how my kid's teachers took their coffee. On my way to drop the kids off at school in the mornings, I'd pick up a […]
Tips to survive parenting a child with RAD as an introvert
Introverted parents of kids with RAD bring many strengths and needs to the table. Here are tips on how to use your strengths and how to prioritize your needs. […]
The ugly truth about trauma
Understanding the devastating impact of early childhood trauma requires a paradigm shift. It's invisible to the untrained eye so we tend to minimize its severity, but it's like a huge gaping trauma wounds. […]
The Struggle For Love – How it All Began
Learn how ambition for adoption and loving a child blinded me to the challenges of loving and raising trauma affected children. […]
The Special Needs of Adopted Children – Bible Verses
Here's a list of twenty things adoptive families need from Sherrie Eldridge including Bible verses. […]