YouTube: Do kids with RAD misbehave on purpose?
Do kids with RAD misbehave on purpose? https://youtu.be/zloou4K9NfM Great to share with family and friends who don't "get it" and are second guessing your parenting! For neglected and abused children who are diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), insecurity, fear, and hurt are stamped on the very core of their being—even […]
You’re angry…I totally get it
As a fellow parent of a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), I understand your anger. However, here's what I've learned: While anger is a natural response, it doesn't serve you or your child well. And here's why… […]
You need a safety plan
If you're raising a child with RAD you almost certainly need a safety plan. Our children's dangerous behaviors can include suicidal ideation, self- harming, violent outbursts, serious property damage, and physical aggression towards others (especially siblings). This is shared from a blog post by Renae and Jason who are grappling with […]
You can get PTSD from dealing with a young child?
After my son was placed in a psychiatric residential treatment facility (PRTF) I went to therapy. Something was wrong with me and I needed to fix myself before my son returned home. He was 10 and had been terrorizing our family with his violent and out of control behaviors for several […]
Yoga at school may help your child, but what about mine?
Schools are beginning to incorporate yoga into their curriculum and disciplinary programs – but does that really work for kids with developmental trauma? […]
Why Residential Treatment is good (and not good) for kids with RAD
What's your success been with Residential Treatment Facilities (RTF)? My son, Devon, has been in 2 group homes and 5 psychiatric residential facilities (PRTF). They feel like 'holding tanks' that have actually made him worse. Unfortunately, they've been necessary to keep Devon and my other children safe. Here's a great pro […]
Why I use the word “rage” and not “tantrum” for my child with developmental trauma
What kind of parent calls the police when her kid has a tantrum? Or, even worse, tries to check him into a mental health hospital? Me. Every time the cops arrived or we got to the hospital, my young son Devon transformed into an angel. I’d explain that he’d been throwing […]
Why adoption stories aren’t fairy tales
Adoption finalization is a reason to celebrate. Parents have filled out mountains of paperwork, waited months or years and shed many tears to get to that moment. They wear matching tee-shirts, eat way too much cake and splash photos all over social media. Adoption day is so momentous that it feels […]
When you feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown…
Unless you've lived through a child's relentless screaming, violent outbursts, physical aggression, and extreme manipulation – hour-after-hour, day-after-day – it may be hard to fathom the long term impact on caregivers. But, the truth is, it can feel like you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Does that seem a […]
When they say RAD isn’t a “real” diagnosis…
"Saying RAD is not a 'real' diagnosis is like arguing Bipolar I Disorder or Autism Spectrum Disorder are not 'real' diagnoses." My son was first diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) by a licensed clinician at 11-years-old. He subsequently received this diagnosis from several psychiatrists in mental health treatment facilities and […]
When suicidal ideations may not be serious
I opened the closet door to find my son Devon squatting in the shadowy darkness with a belt looped loosely around his neck. He was 9. Confident that he wasn’t actually trying to hurt himself, and was only trying to get attention, I hid my fear. I knew if I showed […]
When pigs fly: the day my son’s therapist apologized…
Today my son’s therapist apologized to me. (Go ahead, take a moment to pick yourself up off the floor, then keep reading…) If you’re the parent of a child diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder (RAD) you know just how significant this is. As parents of children with developmental trauma, one of our […]
When Insurers Deny Mental Health Coverage, Families In Crisis Struggle Even More
By Christine Herman When Matthew Timion needed to get his son treatment for mental illness, he did not anticipate it would be so hard to get the insurance company to pay for it. Timion adopted his son out of foster care when he was 3. He says the trauma and neglect […]
When a mom struggles to love and attach to her child with Reactive Attachment Disorder
Originally published by the Institute for Child Development. Carol was bitter and angry—on edge. Shortly after we met through a mutual friend, she told me about her three adopted sons. She adored her youngest son. The older two were regularly suspended from elementary school, lied incessantly, and threw screaming fits daily. […]
What we might learn from another tragic story of mental health help given too late, too little
Caleb, 11, was thin with blond hair, glasses, and a big smile where crooked teeth jockeyed for space. He and his brother, Elijah, were adopted by Martin and Dena Lishing when Elijah was a toddler and Caleb was a baby. Their young birth mother struggled from addiction. Born a preemie at […]
What to do when child protective services investigates…
An interview with Diane L. Redleaf, a family defense pioneer Nationally-known leaders have called Diane L. Redleaf the “conscience of the child welfare system,” the driving force behind creating a “better, fairer child welfare system” and “the people’s lawyer.” Diane has played a leading role in hundreds of important cases on behalf […]
What to consider before you adopt…
Two-year-old Kayla was shy with dimples that winked when she laughed. Her brother, three-year-old Devon, had curly brown hair, freckles and a quick smile. We’d long dreamed of adopting foster kids and my husband and I jumped in heart-first. During the mandatory three-month pre-adoption waiting period, Devon and Kayla had some […]
What to consider before telling your RAD parenting story
RAD parents have unbelievable, and unbelievably important, stories to tell. Too often the issues around parenting kids with complex mental health issues, like Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), are told from the armchair of a clinician. But it's our stories of lived experience that have the unique potential to highlight the dysfunctions […]
What teachers of children experiencing the effects of early trauma need to know
If you are a classroom teacher you almost certainly have students who have experienced childhood trauma. A recent national survey on children’s health found that 47% of all children in the United States have had at least one adverse childhood experience (footnote below). For some, the unfortunate result is reactive attachment […]
What Social Workers Need to Know When Working with Adoptive Families
By brave adoptive parent and advocate Pernell Meier Social workers have been an ever-present part of my family. Over the course of 13 years, we have parented 7 children from foster care, 5 of whom we adopted. In that time, we have had countless social workers in and out of our lives. […]
What it’s like being the sibling of a child with RAD
“It’s like living in a prison. We can’t go anywhere. All doors are locked. Alarms everywhere. We can’t have friends over. Stuff goes missing. We’ve all had black eyes, split lips and bite marks…we’re the ones who suffer.” – Grace, 14, on living with a sibling with reactive attachment disorder. Grace’s […]
What is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?
Explore the complexities of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), a mental disorder resulting from adverse childhood experiences (ACES). Uncover the causes and impact of developmental trauma on children, and the challenges faced by parents. Learn how therapeutic parenting strategies can transform the constant tug-of-war with RAD-diagnosed children. Discover the power of dropping […]
What is Developmental Trauma
To better serve children with developmental trauma, Kolk has proposed adding a new diagnosis to the DSM called Developmental Trauma Disorder (DTD). The new diagnostic criteria requires exposure to chronic trauma before the age of 5. This diagnosis would fully encompass the symptoms of developmental trauma bringing them under one umbrella. […]
What is Conduct Disorder?
I stand in the bathroom stall of the courthouse, texting a friend. “I can't do this,” I write and lean my head against the cold partition of the stall. “You've got this,” she replies. “Breathe, Honey.” I hear the restroom door open and a singsong voice I recognize as my daughter, […]
What I Wish People Knew About These Popular Social Media Quotes…
As I like to tell my son, a sneeze is involuntary – stabbing someone with a pencil is not. For families like mine, these popular posts don’t ring true. […]
What happens when your child becomes violent … with you
Under my desk is an antique iron. It has been there since the day my mother hid it from my teenage son. That day, attempts to get him up had repeatedly failed. He was hungry but refused to eat, he became increasingly volatile until eventually he threatened to hurl the iron […]
Video: Early Childhood Trauma – we need treatments now!
Learn more Aging out of RTF and into the real world: A dangerous proposition Raising a child with Developmental Trauma Immigration isn't the only "system" that's harmful to children Why adoption stories aren't fairy tales It takes a village […]
Understanding the long-term impact of early childhood trauma
Due to trauma during her early development, the lens Kayla viewed the world through was warped. It made even loving caregivers seem unsafe. Situations and people all appeared unpredictable. Kayla likely had no conscious awareness of this and she certainly could not verbalize it. […]
Understanding the long-term effects of Reactive Attachment Disorder
For the safety of our kids, who will someday age-out of residential treatment and into the real world – we must find a balance. They’ve got to have effective treatment AND understand that choices have consequences. […]
Understanding Anger: Trauma and the Incredible Hulk
Effectively parenting children with a history of trauma requires a paradigm shift. This short video by psychologist Jacob Ham is incredibly effective in helping us understand why consequences don't work for kids with reactive attachment disorder and how we can help them deescalate. https://youtu.be/o0FtfB4Co0k […]