Jessie Hogsett was diagnosed with RAD at the age of 12 and grew up acting out of the hurt and trauma of his early childhood. Not only has he survived and thrived a childhood of horrific abuse and neglect, but he’s gone on to work in a treatment facility for troubled kids. Today he has a beautiful wife, five children, and a successful career.
Jessie understands the struggles of a child diagnosed with RAD in a way a parent alone never can.
His book, Detached: Surviving Reactive Attachment Disorder is an invaluable window into the psyche of a child struggling to overcome developmental trauma. His advice comes from personal experience and is invaluable to parents and clinicians alike.
Here’s a few gems of wisdom from Jessie:
- You can’t walk forward if you keep looking backward. Keep helping your RAD child concentrate on the now and the near future. Keep reminding him he can do absolutely nothing about the past. Keep telling him he can do everything about the present and future though.
- Tell him that taking responsibility for his actions makes him really powerful. After all, if he can create problems, then he can also create solutions. His choices determine success or failure. Blaming someone else for his problems saps his power because he has little or no control over other people. Tell him he can have a terrific future but it’s all up to him.
- Drive him around to see the nicest house in the neighborhood. Tell him when he’s older, if he works hard, he could be living in that house, in that neighborhood, and enjoying a good life. tell him you can picture him growing up and living there surrounded by his own happy family.
- Tell your child that you love him all the time. Even though love alone will never be enough to “cure” a RAD child, instilling in his mind every day that he is loved, will, over time, let him realize that someone does care for him. Keep telling him this even when you don’t get any response back and even if it seems he isn’t listening. He probably is.
- Seek out comedies on TV, DVDs, and at the movies. Laughter alleviates stress and is clearly good for both body and soul.
- When your child raises his voice to you, lower your voice. Speak to him in a calm reassuring “your behavior doesn’t phase me” tone of voice. He wants to hear what you are saying because he wants that attention. In order for him to hear you, he will have to lower his voice.
- To build trust, tell the child the time frame in which you’ll be completing whatever you promised him you’ll do. Give yourself more than ample time so you can always do it within that time period.
- Teach him step-by-step how to succeed at tasks. Write down the steps for him using numbers 1, 2, 3, etc.
These unconventional, practical suggestions are only a fraction of the 144 ideas included in Detached: Surviving Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Jessie is a huge asset to the parenting community and I’m looking forward to interviewing him soon. If there’s a specific question you’d like me to ask Jessie, please drop it in the comments.
Be sure to follow Jessie on social media for news and updates on his new upcoming book!
I live in Charlotte, NC with my family and am working on a memoir about raising my adopted son, Devon.