Parenting Strategies: Adoptive & Foster Families

Parenting children from foster care, adoption, or kinship care comes with unique challenges—and one-size-fits-all advice rarely works. These kids often have very specific needs, whether it’s attachment struggles, trauma, or big behaviors, and that’s why getting trusted resources matters so much. Traditional parenting methods rarely work for children with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)—and in some cases, they can even make behaviors worse. This collection of strategies, tips, and resources is designed for parents in the trenches. Each recommendation comes from either my own experience or from other families and professionals who understand the unique challenges of raising a child with a history of trauma.

This website contains Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases — but I only recommend books and resources I’ve personally used or truly believe will help families.

• Andrea Shindle videos
  Andrea specializes in adoption and foster care related trauma and attachment and offers YouTube videos on a range of topics that have been useful to many families. 
• Celebratecalm.com
  Teaches strategies for strong-willed children that have been useful to some families with their RAD kids. In addition to fee-based services they host a podcast, blog, and provide other resources free of charge.
• Drowning With My Hair On Fire: Insanity Relief for Adoptive Parents
  (Ce Eshelman, LMFT)
  Offers the advice and wisdom of a fellow adoptive mom, also a social work professional. Among similar books, this one is particularly encouraging and hopeful.
• How to Discipline a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder
  (Every Star is Different)
  This is a popular blog post written by the mom of a child with RAD. She offers practical advice based on her own experience.
• Parenting Children or Youth Who Are Sexually Reactive
  Important guidance on dealing with this challenging situation in your home.
• One Liners
  (The Attachment Institute of New England)
  A creative tool for responding to high stress, high conflict moments with your child to prompt them to deescalate. Give them a try, you might be surprised!
• Everything you need to know about PACE parenting
  (Compass Fostering)
  A comprehensive introduction to PACE parenting focused on kids who are in or have spent time in foster care.
• Parenting Children with Mental Health Challenges
  (Deborah Vlock)
  A special needs mom speaking from personal experience. While this book isn’t RAD specific, we can stand in solidarity in so much as fellow special needs parents. The book is full excellent tips and advice applicable for all special needs parents.
• Secrets to Parenting Without Giving a F^ck: The Non-Conformist Playbook to Raising Happy Kids Without Public Meltdowns, Power Struggles, & Punishments
  (Sue Donnellan)
  An extremely practical, thinking outside-the-box parenting book. It’s geared towards all parents and is not special needs specific. However, it has many ideas related eliminating the run-of-the-mill teen power struggles that can be leveraged to help parents stop the tug-of-war so prevalent in RAD households.
• The a-z of Therapeutic Parenting: Strategies and Solutions
  (Sarah Naish)
  What makes this book fantastic is the “A to Z” index of behaviors with practical ideas and solutions. And, even better, the author is a foster and adoptive parent who writes from experience. Here’s my comprehensive review.
• The guide to raising kids with reactive attachment disorder that you won’t find in bookstores
  (Amy VanTine, founder of RAD Advocates)
  This blog post offers essential tips you need for parenting a child with RAD.
• The National Training and Development Curriculum (NTDC)
  Free curriculum for foster and adoptive parents designed specifically to address the desperate need for additional information around trauma and therapeutic parenting. Check out the Right Time training.  
• 10 Unfortunately Truths You Must Know
  This is my most popular blog post ever. When you strip away all the platitudes and talk about how to survive, these are the RAD-parent-to-RAD-parent truths you must know.
• #NAVRAD22: Co-existing Disorders with RAD and their Effective Treatment
  This blog post contains critical information for parents from expert Dr. John F. Alston, MD based on decades of experience working with RAD kids. Dr. Alston is retired and this conference was his final presentation of this invaluable information.
• Daniel Hughes Ph.D. (Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy)
  Founder of Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy and P.A.C.E. offers many books, videos, and webinars. 

Didn’t find what you are looking for? Check out: Helping Siblings of Children with Trauma